Regretting Redemption (The Redemption Series Book 4) Read online

  Mary laughed at the reminder of her life’s pursuit since she was about three. “It was. It is. I just… He reminds me of Dad.”

  “We’re back to that, huh? Does he remind you of Dad in a good way?” She smiled at Mary, the light reaching her eyes.

  Humor fading, Mary painfully watched her mom work. A lump formed in her throat. “No. Not how Dad treated me, how he treated you.”

  Her mother paused her movements, staring down at the tomato she sliced. She nodded almost imperceptibly before continuing. “Ah, that makes sense. Then go with your gut. What about that Ian guy you brought over? He’s handsome.”

  “He’s nice and I think he feels bad for me or something. He knows I’m a Caracus – obviously, it’s my last name, but he doesn’t seem to care. He also knows about Edward, so… but I don’t think he cares about me like that. Why would he?” Mary laughed, shrugging.

  Sliding the sliced tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers, and lettuce into a large bowl, Mary’s mother tilted her head toward her daughter. “Well, I don’t think he looked at you with pity.”

  Uncomfortable, Mary laughed outright. “Mom, it’s okay. Men don’t like me. It’s not a big deal.” She picked at the torn seal of the vinaigrette dressing to avoid eye contact.

  “Who told you men weren’t be interested in you?” Her mother plopped the large bowl on the table and shoved her hands on her hips.

  “Edward, and the guy before him, and the guy before him. And sometimes Dad warned me that men wouldn’t love me for me, but because I was his daughter.” She’d never said the words out loud. She’d never shared her shame with anyone. Lisa knew, but never commented.

  Who Mary was prevented her from being who she wanted to be.

  Her mother huffed. “That’s your first clue those men aren’t worth anything.” She pointed her finger. “Your father included.”

  Mary jerked her eyes to meet her mother’s gaze. The startling frankness of her mom’s comment popped the last bubble of discomfort and formality between them. They burst into laughter.

  “Let’s eat.” Mary sat and scooped piles of rainbow colors onto her mom’s plate. The easygoing atmosphere prompted her to ask, “Do you know anything about a collection of bank money? Like in the millions? It’s not my trust is it?”

  Her mom shook her head, speaking firmly. “No, your money is from my parents, they didn’t want Devlyn to have access, so they put my inheritance into a trust for you. I always thought the money was the reason why Devlyn married me. When they put it in a trust for you and he couldn’t have any… Well, let’s just say the truth came out and I was punished daily for it. Mom and Dad couldn’t know he would die before you would come into the complete amount. I’m sure my dad would have made sure he had lived to see that day.”

  Comfortable silence filled the small room as they ate, meeting each other’s gazes often and grinning.

  After a few mouthfuls, Mary pushed some of the fresh greens around her plate and asked quietly, “What do I do, Mom?”

  Her mom pointed across the table. “First things first, you pass me those croutons. Second, you follow your heart. You’re smarter than you realize and better than you think. And third, you call a locksmith to change those locks. In fact, I’ll set up an appointment for you after we eat.”

  Over the simple meal, Mary left behind the last name Caracus. She and her mom repaired a bond Devlyn Caracus had worked so hard to rip asunder.

  Chapter 18

  Ian

  Why couldn’t Ian get his head wrapped around working on the stupid fence post? Some idiot had driven off the road the night before and smashed into a post made of treated wood and then gotten his vehicle towed before Ian could find out who did it.

  He growled as he pushed on one side of the post and then the other. His thoughts weren’t focused on removing the damaged fence piece and replacing it. He couldn’t escape tortuous thoughts about Mary getting married the day before. He kicked the post with the sole of his cowboy boot.

  By that time, he’d worked himself up so much, he had her married off in his mind and convinced himself she was gone forever.

  A car drove up, pulling to the side. If it was the stupid driver who’d wrecked his fence, right then was not the time to show up and apologize.

  Ian whirled, fists clenched, ready to take someone on.

  But Mary’s Subaru parked just off the shoulder of the road and she opened the door. Her slim cut jeans and t-shirt took the spur right out of his side.

  He dropped his hands, turning back to the post before his confusion made him nauseous. Why was she there? To tell him about the wedding? He ground his teeth. Thanks but no thanks. He didn’t need any updates on her happily-ever-after nuptials.

  The soft crunch of gravel as she approached made him close his eyes. Slowly he turned, careful to hide his roiling emotions. “Hi, Mary.”

  “Hi, Ian.” She smiled at him, like she hadn’t torn up all his hopes and tossed them along the highway like forgotten litter.

  “I hear you got married. How’s the honeymoon?” Great. He hadn’t wanted to sound bitter, but there his pain was, in plain view of her and God and anyone driving by. He rolled his hand to stretch his wrist to do something, anything to make himself feel better, feel different.

  She chuckled, eyeing him with curiosity. “You’re joking, right? You and I just went on a date. That would be really rude of me to get married, don’t you think?”

  Relief enveloped him, erasing the tension holding him so tight he could barely breathe normally. “Really? You’re not married?”

  “No, silly. I’m not married.” She stepped closer, softening her words and meeting his gaze. “I missed you. Is that okay for me to say?”

  She missed him. They hadn’t had a chance to spend more than a few hours together and she missed him. Of course, she couldn’t miss him as much as he’d been thinking about her. Suddenly, all of the good things from before Mendez’s declarations rushed back but grew and multiplied, bringing a smile to Ian’s face he couldn’t hide, if he wanted to.

  “Only if you let me say it, too.” He glanced at her car and back to Peanut Butter who watched them with utmost boredom. “Do you want to go park your car at my place and go for a ride? Do you have time?”

  She nodded, her dark hair shiny in the sunlight. “I would love to.” Her lips quirked.

  He knew how she felt. His mouth wouldn’t stop smiling.

  ~~~

  “What’s this horse’s name? She sure is pretty.” Mary leaned down in her saddle and patted the neck of the rich brown mare she rode.

  “That’s Kisses, like Hershey’s Kisses. My sister had a heyday naming all the horses after food and things she thought would embarrass me to say.” He chuckled at the memory. “She named her dog Oodles of Kisses and Loves and I nicknamed her Ick. That didn’t go over. When the dog passed away, Elena did everything she could to make me feel bad about the nickname, but I couldn’t help carving a headstone with it for her funeral. And then I would say, ‘oh, Elena, I just feel Icky about what happened.’ That’s what do you do, right? Gotta annoy those siblings.”

  Their laughter faded as he led the way up a well-trod path through trees whose tops touched overhead. The canopy shaded the forest, only allowing small shafts of light to burst through here and there.

  “Where are we going?” She sat astride the horse with ease, like she’d been on one all her life, instead of only a few summers like she’d claimed.

  “Just a place I know.” Ian grinned back at her. “You don’t like secrets, do you?”

  “I think I’ve been around them too much during my life. I’m ready for straight honesty.” She ducked under a leafy, low-hanging branch.

  Their steeds climbed up the rocky paths as they worked their ways further into the forest. The trees parted to reveal rushing rivers and sloping mountain faces.

  Déjà vu brought a shiver to Mary’s skin. “I think I’ve been here before.” She murmured as she surveyed the land and the rocks. H
oles in the boulder groupings across the river gaped like bad shadows in the light.

  “Oh, shoot. Really? When?” Disappointed, Ian side-stepped Peanut Butter to get closer to Kisses, then slid from the saddle. “I was hoping to show you someplace new.”

  “I must have been about eight. I’d just learned how to tie a ponytail.” She reached out for Ian’s hand and squeezed his fingers in hers as he helped her from her mount. “This is still new. I can’t really remember everything about being here, just that I was here.” She didn’t let go of his hand and he didn’t pull away. She stared at the scenery like she searched for more, but it was just out of reach. She shrugged. “Oh, well. If I’m meant to remember, I will, right?”

  Together, they lay out a blanket on the grassy shoreline, watching the ripples in the water like liquid glass.

  Ian rested on his side, propping his head on his hand while he fiddled with a long blade of grass. He wanted to kiss Mary, but she sat with her legs crossed, watching the river and the forest guarding the caverns.

  “My dad told me a story about this place when we were here, I think. He said the caverns were haunted with treasures and a ghost protected it. Something about how no one could swim in the waters in the cavern without being blinded by the bright light or a collection of bright lights? Or something…” Her words faded and she studied her hands in her lap.

  “What’s wrong?” Ian liked listening to her talk. The smooth cadence of her voice reminded him of a singer finding the perfect rhythm.

  She glanced up quickly. “Nothing, I’m just trying to remember… It’s on the edges of my mind.”

  Ian rolled to his back, staring up at the shapes in the clouds, but unable to identify anything. He spoke with nonchalance even as his back muscles bunched with nerves. “I think you need me.”

  Startled by the change in topic, Mary leaned toward him, looking down. “Really? I need you?”

  “Yes, you need me.” He held back his grin, keeping his tone serious and matter-of-fact. A waft of her fresh scent brushed past him.

  “I don’t need anyone.” She shook her head, her smile fading.

  He cocked his head at her serious tone. “What about Edward? I thought you needed him.”

  Mary snorted. “I thought I needed him, but all I needed him for was to keep me down.” She shook her head, holding his gaze with hers. “I don’t need anyone.” She slid her legs out in front of her and rolled to her side, placing her above his chest and staring down in his eyes.

  Her statement crushed him. She was very strongly saying she didn’t need him either.

  As if reading his mind, she traced the bulge of his shoulder with a finger. “I don’t need you, but I want you. Is that okay?”

  “You do?” She wanted him? The import of her words filled him with even more hope. If she was saying what he hoped she was saying, he wouldn’t have to work hard to always have a purpose with her. She wanted him around. Wanted to be with him. Being wanted was vastly more appealing than being needed. Even for someone with a hero-mentality.

  She trailed her finger up his neck to the scratchy whiskers of his cheek. Her husky whisper drowned out the calls of the crickets and far off chirps of the birds. “I do.” She leaned in, claiming his lips with hers.

  Ian reached up and crushed her to his chest, pulling her legs flush to his side.

  Their lips pushed together, the heat intensifying. She tasted like mint gum and Heaven – if Heaven had a taste. After a moment, Mary pulled back, her breathing heavy. “I don’t want to stop, but I’m just figuring out how capable I am by myself. I don’t want to rush into anything.”

  Laying his head back on the blanket, Ian closed his eyes. He didn’t know how to take the rejection so soon after being told she wanted him. The pain wasn’t sharp, more of a dull ache. He opened his eyes when she scratched at the front of his shirt to get his attention.

  “Are you mad?” She scrunched her nose, a slight splattering of freckles enhanced on her fair skin in the summer sunlight.

  He shook his head, opening his eyes to meet her gaze. “Nope, I think you’re being smart. Taking care of yourself right now is the most important thing.” He lifted his head and kissed her on the nose. He’d have to leave it at that or he’d be taking more cold showers than the state of Montana had water for.

  Chapter 19

  Mary

  Reclaiming her Subaru, Mary drove the short distance to Lisa’s condo. She’d left things in such a negative way when she’d run back to her house. She’d blamed Lisa and the other two sisters for the way she felt, but the truth was she hadn’t understood her emotions or why she felt so guilty.

  Knocking on the door took more courage than getting on that mechanical bull. She wrung her hands, waiting for Lisa to answer. And she knew Lisa was home because her truck squatted in the parking spot.

  “Just a minute!” Lisa called from inside, her voice muffled through the door.

  Mary swallowed, her stomach queasy as she waited another few moments.

  The door suddenly opened and Lisa paused as she stuffed the rest of a raspberry filled donut in her mouth. Small white particles of powdered sugar dotted her lower lip. She arched her eyebrow and finished chewing, taking in Mary’s appearance and glancing behind her. Mouth finally empty, she propped her hand on her waist. “Yeah?”

  “Can we talk?” Mary pointed at the couch and watched Lisa as she walked to claim a cushion.

  Lisa closed the door and followed Mary, shrugging. “I guess.”

  Rocking back and forth after claiming her spot, Mary looked around the room, summoning more courage to do what needed to be done. She cleared her throat. “Lisa, I came to say I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. Ever since we were little, I always sensed something connected us, but I didn’t want it to be my dad. I didn’t want it to be anything, really, except my imagination and our friendship.”

  Hurt shaded Lisa’s eyes. She nodded, crossing her ankles.

  “You were my only friend and if we were sisters then you had to be my friend, you didn’t want to be.” Mary rushed on. She couldn’t fluff her words. She needed to be blunt, bold, and completely honest. “I want to apologize for how I’ve treated you. But I won’t apologize for the difference in the way Devlyn treated me versus you.”

  “I didn’t ask you to.” Lisa lifted her chin, eyes challenging.

  Mary pressed her lips together, irritation warring with her efforts to be humble. “I know, but I feel like I’m supposed to when I didn’t do anything to make us different. I don’t know why he chose me and not you, or Rosie, or Sara Beth, or even Jenny. I don’t know and I’m sorry he did, but I can’t blame myself.”

  “I’m glad he picked you. At least he picked one of us.” Lisa leaned forward, dropping her hands to grip the edge of the couch. “I don’t expect you to feel bad. This sadness and pain is my thing that I have toward Devlyn – not you.”

  “You and the Scott sisters talk like it’s a badge of honor or something. I feel like the odd man out.” Mary rushed on, holding up her hand. “And that’s my problem, I know, and I don’t blame you, but it enhances the differences between us.”

  Shrugging, Lisa softly shook her head. “It’s nice to have the Scott sisters to commiserate with. Other people who understand how I feel. That was something you would never be able to understand, even if things had been totally great between you and I.”

  “Yeah, I understand. Maybe one day we will be able to talk without feeling pain about him between us.” Mary side-shrugged as she met Lisa’s gaze. “I hate that he hurt you and the others. I think I feel guiltier about that than anything else.”

  “Maybe Jenny will be able to tell us she had a better experience with him like you did.” Lisa’s hopeful comment struck Mary with kindness.

  “Yeah, maybe.” Neither needed to say they doubted it. Mary crossed her arms. “I don’t want to assume we’re fine and everything, but I need to ask you a favor.” She continued when Lisa didn’t correct her on her a
ssumption. “Can I stay in town with you for a little while? I need to go home to meet the locksmith. He’s changing my locks today and I’ll grab some things to bring back. I want to see Ian some more and the drive isn’t going to help you and I get closer.”

  “Don’t pretend this is about you and me.” She wagged her finger at Mary. “The English guy gets the girl? Really? I think that’s a little cliché, Mary. His accent and all.” Lisa’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “You know I’m going to have to tease you about him.”

  “All the time, I hope.” Mary groaned.

  “Of course. What type of a sister would I be, if I didn’t tease you?” She grinned, tossing a throw pillow across the few feet at Mary. “I’m glad you’re back.”

  “Me, too.” Mary bit her lip, unsure of the Scott sisters’ impression of her. “Do you think Rosie and Sara Beth would want to see me again? I’d like to try helping with Jenny and solving this. Even learn more about them.”