Sorrows and Lace Read online

  Kelsey cleared her throat. “Hi Dad. Sonny is dead. Devlyn might come after you guys. Be careful. Can you —”

  “I’m not scared of him, Kelsey. And I resent your suggestion I should be. My family and I are safe as long as we are on the reservation. I didn’t leave. None of us have, except you.” A shriek and then he said. “Hold on.” A slight thud as he set the phone down muffled the sounds.

  Rustling like the wind whipped around the hand piece broke up the sudden crying. Kelsey strained to hear everything. Screaming, wailing, and loud moaning. The screech of tires on pavement. A gun shot.

  Someone pick up the damn phone!

  Her knees buckled and she fell to the kitchen floor, hands gripping the phone. Eyes staring at the cabinets but trying to see through time and space to her parent’s house, she whimpered. What the hell was going on? She gripped the phone so hard, the plastic shell cracked.

  The long, drawn-out keening of her father as he called for Red into the early morning sobered any last vestiges of alcohol she might have had in her system. Grief tore through her. She’d never heard that sound from anyone in her family before. Stark sadness raised goose bumps on her skin.

  What had happened to Red?

  Chapter 15

  Ronan waited for Slate to go inside the house before escaping into the barn for a moment. He crossed the painted cement and kicked the far wall with enough force to pop a small hole in the sheetrock.

  Standing there, Ronan reached up and rubbed his temples. What the hell was he doing? Was Slate right? Did he only tear people and things down? Had he become some kind of monster that only cared about the idea that Lacey Caverns represented?

  Had he become his dad?

  Could he have become the one person that he’d promised never to be like? When Ronan wanted to play, his dad had made him work. When Ronan had needed advice, his dad’s answer was always “what’s best for Lacey Caverns?” And when Ronan had wanted to marry Kelsey right out of high school, his dad’s reply had hurt so bad, he might as well have branded him with the red-hot iron he used on the cows.

  Ronan was a James. He wouldn’t feel bad about the things he’d done. His job, his mission, in his life was to protect Lacey Caverns and all the land with her. The caverns, the forests, everything that fell within the land boundaries were under his watch.

  He wanted to add Kelsey to that. Bethany had been his father’s choice. Ronan had never been able to get completely into Bethany. She’d schemed to get her way on things and acted like a twelve-year-old girl when she didn’t succeed.

  Nothing would be better than going back in time and telling his dad to shove it after he’d told Ronan to get rid of Kelsey for the sake of the ranch. But he didn’t have that chance. He’d just killed a man for Kelsey’s safety. What more did he need to do to convince her she wanted to be married to him? Or that he wanted to marry her? She’d grow to love him. They’d cared for each other before.

  Damn, why had he said love wasn’t required? Maybe Slate was right and Ronan’s business demeanor would either destroy him or… shit, it sounded like it was only going to destroy him.

  Like his need to meet expectations. He’d lost Kelsey before because of his parents’ expectations. Maybe he could keep her, if he met hers.

  The attraction between them smoldered, waiting for the moment when it would catch fire and burn through the night and into the years. She’d be the type of woman who would stand by him, if she married him. She wouldn’t leave. And if there were children? She’d raise them like he’d wished he was raised.

  But first, he needed to see her face, see the blame that would certainly be there when she saw at him. He’d just killed her husband – no matter that she’d left him, no matter that he’d beat her.

  No, bull shit. All of it mattered.

  Ronan strode from the barn and across the pavement to the house. He opened the door, expecting pure silence demanding retribution for the loss in her life. What he hadn’t been prepared for was Kelsey crying and sobbing. Her head resting on her arms on the dining table with Ronan’s phone clutched in her hand.

  Robbie and Slate stood beside her, helplessly staring at each other.

  “What the hell’s going on?” Ronan covered the distance between him and Kelsey and crouched down beside her. Brushing the hair from the side of her face, careful not to touch any of the tender-looking areas, he murmured. “Kelsey, what’s going on? Are you okay? I’m so sorry that happened. I don’t…”

  She held the phone out to him, shaking her head.

  Ronan lifted the handset to his ear, not sure what to do. He watched Kelsey and said. “Hello?”

  Yelling and screaming on a higher volume than what he’d walked in on tore through the earpiece. He spoke louder. “Hello? Hello? Is someone there? Is everything okay?”

  Sobbing grew and rustling noises suggested the phone was brought back to the other party’s mouth to talk. “No, nothing is okay. Red is dead. He’s dead. And it’s all that girl’s fault. She’s no child of mine. My boy is dead.” The gruff voice of Kelsey’s father broke on the last word. He hung up.

  Kelsey watched Ronan, tears coursing down her cheeks, leaving pale rust-colored tracks in the blood Sonny had left on her skin. She hiccupped every few seconds and whispered. “Is he alright? Will he make it? Dad wouldn’t talk to me.” She sniffed, sitting up to wipe at her face with her fingertips.

  Shit. Ronan couldn’t answer her. He turned to Slate and Robbie. “Robbie, you need to get to Amelia and Mac and make sure they’re safe. Slate, you find Becky. I’ll contact you later today or tomorrow morning, even before that if something else happens. Just keep your heads low today, okay?”

  The men disappeared as if they’d been itching to run and check on their women. Ronan understood better than they knew. He avoided Kelsey’s gaze, choosing instead to search for blood or anything else he could clean off the floor.

  “Ronan. Ronan? R.J. Please, answer me. What’s going on with Red?” She moved to stand in front of him. Crossing her arms, she held her mouth tight.

  He didn’t do well with death, never had. But he did well with Kelsey. And she needed him. He wrapped his fingers around her toned upper arms, dwarfing her thin frame in his hands. Her dark brown eyes swam with unshed tears as she peered at him, waiting, and yet not wanting to hear because it would make whatever was so terrible permanent. He’d been through the same thing with his parents. He understood the emotions rifling through her.

  “Kelsey, Red didn’t make it.” He pulled her into his arms, holding her flush against his chest. Gripping her tight, he waited for the onslaught of grief to pour over him. He was more than prepared to hold her through her sadness, be the kind of man that she’d want to marry. He needed to marry her. He wanted to prove he could love her the way she deserved.

  Love? It was about damn time he’d let love enter into the scenario. It was about damn time he was honest with himself and his heart.

  But even as he waited for her to cry and hit him and scream and shout and do whatever she did when she got terrible news, she reached her arms up and curled them around his neck. His eyes widened and she pulled his lips to hers.

  The need, the heat, the sudden longing ricocheted from Kelsey through Ronan’s body. He didn’t want to take advantage of the situation, but he couldn’t deny that he wanted to hold her and return the kiss. Make her burn the way he did.

  Maybe he’d give her what she wanted for a little bit and then put a stop to it before things got out of hand. She didn’t quite know what she wanted at that point, though. What she needed was to be held.

  She whimpered, tears still coursing down her face, the moisture sticking to his skin. Ronan raised his head. She didn’t seek his lips further but ducked her head and pressed her face into his collarbone. Whole body shaking, she cried.

  Ronan didn’t even try stopping her. He bent, shoving his arm beneath her knees, and lifted her off her feet, cradling her to his chest as he carried her to her room. Her panty-clad
behind inches from his hands. He wanted to caress the soft skin, but he refrained from entertaining the thoughts of things he would like to do to her. She didn’t deserve to be pressured like that in her grief.

  She hadn’t said anything about her room adjoining to his through the bathroom. He’d taken that as a good sign, but maybe she just hadn’t noticed it.

  He placed her carefully on her mattress, drawing the blankets up over her. So early in the morning with so much excitement, she needed her rest. He was more than a little exhausted himself. Since he’d found her at the casino, he hadn’t slept a normal schedule and he could feel it.

  Ronan turned to go, but Kelsey grabbed his hand.

  Her voice small and sad, she murmured. “Stay with me?” She released his fingers and watched him from red-rimmed eyes.

  “Of course.” He dragged a chair over and set it beside the nightstand.

  She shook her head. “No, Ronan. Hold me.”

  Kelsey’s gaze captured him.

  He hadn’t held her in years. The part of him that he’d buried so he could say goodbye to her reemerged, excited at the prospect to hold her again. But the part of him that wanted more with her, marriage and a family and Lacey Caverns warned him to be careful. He could hold her, but he needed to be careful not to consummate any acts until he was no longer a married man. Kelsey deserved that much respect, at least.

  Ronan lifted the edge of the bedding. Kelsey rolled over to face the wall, scooting further from him to make room. He kicked off his boots and placed his hat on the knotted pine bed post. He glanced at the lightening skyline. The sun would be up completely soon and his workers would start their day. But he needed to rest and he was nothing if not thorough in training his hands. They could run the ranch without him around for an indeterminable amount of time. He’d check in, but hell he’d be useless without some sleep.

  He stood there, uncertain, not sure what to do, and felt like a total ass.

  Kelsey rolled back to him, searching his face. “What’s wrong? You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

  “No, it’s not that. I just…” He looked out the window again and then back at her.

  “What?” Her eyebrows creased in the center above the bridge of her nose.

  “I don’t usually get into bed with my clothes on.” He offered a sheepish smile.

  “Take off your clothes, then. It’s not like I’m dressed to go to the opera either, Ronan.” She faced the wall again.

  Ronan shrugged. He slid his jeans down and kicked them off, then unbuttoned his flannel and removed his undershirt. His socks followed his pants but his boxer briefs stayed on. She hadn’t said get naked, just take your clothes off. Which sounded similar, but Ronan wasn’t stupid. If he climbed into bed with her naked and held her with her all-but-nude butt inches from his lap, she’d be more than aware of what her nearness did to him. As it was, he wouldn’t be able to hide his growing feelings.

  He slid into the bed with her. His heart pounding and his palms suddenly slick. What the hell was he? A damn teenager? He’d been in bed with Kelsey Redbird numerous times.

  This time though, marriage had been proposed.

  This time, there wasn’t any talk of love.

  When there damn well should’ve been.

  Chapter 16

  Wiggling her hips, Kelsey almost purred in contentment. She hadn’t been so warm or comfortable in a while. Her eyes flew open.

  Or felt so un-alone. If that was the right way to say it.

  Heat where his hand fell across her waist sizzled with his fingers brushing up and down as she breathed. She didn’t dare hold her breath… his hand would stop moving!

  Wide-eyed, she stared at the texture pattern of the wall inches from her face. The rest of last night rushed over her – Ronan saving her from Sonny, the phone call, Red.

  Red.

  Tears welled in her eyes. Why did her brother have to die? He’d been nothing to everyone but her. Even their dad had blinded himself to Red’s true character and had let him be lazy and bitter about everything in their lives. He’d never called him to task for anything because Red was his boy, his son.

  And Kelsey had gotten him killed.

  Tears burned from her already swollen eyes, down her cheek and the bridge of her nose to plop almost silently on the sheet. She didn’t want to wake Ronan, so she bottled up her sobs. The crying was getting old, even at just a little while, because Kelsey was a doer. Lying in bed, crying, wasn’t doing anything to make herself feel better.

  Was it a damn coincidence that she called when Red was dropped off? She couldn’t figure out what was going on. How had there been enough time between Devlyn finding his brother and then being able to send someone after Red?

  Once during their marriage, Sonny had taunted Kelsey with her family’s safety. He’d stated that his brother had someone watching everyone she’d ever loved in case she stepped out of line. Could it be true? Had he been able to make a call and bam there went her brother? The possibilities were endless.

  She opened her eyes and then blinked them hard to avoid more tears.

  Sonny must have been telling the truth for once. Maybe one of Devlyn’s men had found his brother, told Devlyn and then he’d made a phone call. That had to be it.

  What could she do to avenge Red’s death? Getting up and going after… someone or something… didn’t seem appropriate. Or maybe it did? She was so damn tired. So damn confused.

  More than a little scared.

  And there she was, feeling the safest she’d felt in a while and all because Ronan had offered her something from her long ago dreams.

  Lying in bed next to him with what felt like only underwear between them was more along the lines of doing…

  Right up her alley.

  She inched forward until she was just out of his reach, where his fingers were about to slip from her skin and then she rolled to face him, adjusting and shimmying until she was right back where she’d started but with a perfect view of his bare chest and broad shoulders.

  Watching him would never grow old. Shadows under his eyes testified to his exhaustion. She wanted to reach up and trace his eyebrows, and then graze the dark gold stubble on his jaw with her thumb. But she didn’t. She just watched him breathe in and out, one hand tucked beneath the pillow.

  Reaching between them to the hand still resting on the mattress, she gripped his fingers in hers. She carried his index finger to her lips and slipped it into her mouth and sucked.

  His eyes flew open. Nothing else moved.

  Kelsey grinned, pulling his hand into hers. “I thought that would wake you up.”

  Smiling, he pulled from her grasp and stretched, rolling to his back and then onto his side again. “Nope. You moving that cute butt of yours woke me.” He ran a knuckle down her cheek, all the humor gone from his eyes as he looked at her with tenderness. “How’re you feeling?”

  As if stuck in a time warp, Kelsey couldn’t move or erase the sensation that they were so much younger and she was just spending time with him while his family was away. She stared into his brown eyes, the lashes so long and thick. “I’m fine. Sad, but… if I don’t think about it too hard, I’ll be fine.” She raised her own hand to run her fingers through the burnished hair on his chest, her fingernails scraping and scratching just enough to show she meant her touch.

  She lifted her gaze to his and licked her lips. “Ronan, why don’t you make me forget? You said it yourself, we have heat. We used to have a great time together. Let’s try it out before we do anything else.” She didn’t want to beg, didn’t have it in her to be rejected.

  More than anything, she needed to feel alive and of value. Sonny did nothing but leave her empty and worthless. A shell. Back in the James’s household again after so many years only trampled her confidence further underground.

  Heat in his eyes, Ronan reached up and stilled her hand as it moved toward his nipple. “No. We can’t. Not until I have some kind of answer from you.”
r />   Kelsey stared at his neck. She couldn’t answer. Instead she asked in a very small voice. “Do you think you’ll ever love me like you used to?”

  “Complete honesty? I don’t know. I don’t think I ever stopped feeling for you the way I did when we were younger. I’m just not certain enough to say yes or no. And I promised myself, I’d never lie to you. Children with you would be a dream come true.” His lips moved slow and with intent with each syllable. “We haven’t been together in a long time. We’ve both changed. I don’t know if what we had could be reinstated. I’ve failed you before. I don’t expect you to trust me so quickly.”

  His thumb brushed over her knuckles and she watched the movement as if from far away. “Would you want that again? What we had wasn’t steady or stalwart. What I’m offering you now is a contract. You can’t break contracts. They’re put in place for a reason. Both parties are mutually benefitting from the situation. We can both get what we want out of this.”

  Kelsey swallowed, the possibility too real of what she was about to suggest. “What if you fall in love with someone else? What if I do?” She met his gaze, open with her pain.

  Ronan’s half-smile appeared, drawing her gaze to his firm lips and almost-perfectly lined teeth. He touched her chin with his finger, then lifted the pad to her bottom lip and softly pulling down. “Kelsey, if I can’t love you, I won’t be able to love anyone.”

  That had to be some kind of answer. She’d have to take it. But she couldn’t help being upset, feeling like he was taking the easy-ass way out. She furrowed her brow and clamped her lips together.

  “Did I upset you?” His formal talk. Ugh, he was always so damn cute. And hot. Always hot.

  She shook her head. “No.” Why was she lying? “I’m still upset about Red.”

  “Okay. If you’re alright now, I need to go out and discuss things with my team. They work pretty hard and do a lot around here. I should warn them about the potential danger with Caracus running around.” He pushed from the bed, turning to swing his feet to the floor. “Feel free to take a shower. Be careful though, it looks like your wounds hurt.”