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  My breath caught again, but for an entirely different reason.

  Bodey beamed at my enthusiasm. “Me too.” He reached out and stopped John from leaving the living area. “Hey, Dad. I still consider us married, is that okay?”

  John’s thoughtful countenance changed, and he stepped toward Bodey to wrap his arms around his son’s chest in a huge bear hug. “Bodey, you two are married. Rowan doesn’t get to decide who we love or when.” He rolled his eyes and patted Bodey’s shoulder. “Okay, I’m going to take a shower, eat something, and then crash. I’m exhausted.”

  We grabbed our bags and split apart into our own rooms. Well, John went into his own room and Bodey and I claimed a room with a connecting bathroom, comforted by John’s words and the stability in our feelings for each other. We left our doors open to continue talking. I called out to John, “Why do you think they give us bright clothing?”

  “I would think it’s easier to keep track of people. Maybe in case someone gets lost in the woods? I’m not sure. I’m excited for brand new clothes that fit.” Muffled, his voice carried but not through the walls.

  “That makes sense.” Bodey nodded, pulling his shirt off over his head. He threw the dark top into the corner of the room, his muscles flexing as he moved. He turned on me, growling low in his throat. I shrieked softly, running from him around the room like we didn’t have any responsibilities.

  And we kind of didn’t. We didn’t have to find our next meal and we didn’t have to be on watch for the first night in who knows how long.

  Bodey caught me and threw me playfully to the bed, tickling my sides. I pushed at him. “Gross. We need to shower. I don’t want to make this bed dirty when we don’t have to.”

  He wiggled his eyebrows at me but stood, pulling me to stand beside him. He leaned down and whispered, “I’m not dirty.”

  I slapped at his shoulder, giggling. Rowan’s approval or not, we were going to enjoy our “honeymoon”. Until I had a period, I wasn’t going to worry about being pregnant or any of the other stuff.

  What was he going to do, if I ended up pregnant? Kill me?

  Finding towels in a small cabinet off to the side of the bathroom door, I handed Bodey one and ducked inside the tiny room.

  Free water. Free soap. Free housing.

  But nothing came for free. What had we traded for the benefits?

  The only thing we could do was wait and see.

  ~~~

  My stomach ached. I wanted to go climb back in bed and go to sleep. I hadn’t eaten so much in a long time. My sides wanted to burst open.

  The chicken we’d smelled when entering the compound had been delivered with mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and biscuits. Heaping bowls of them. The woman had warned us that normal meals were rationed according to serving size, but on our first meal, we got extra in celebration.

  I hadn’t replied, except to murmur my gratitude.

  We claimed seats at the table, our first time with a hot meal at a home-style setting... safe.

  My first bite of crispy, greasy chicken thigh made me moan. Bodey and John closed their eyes. We ate in silence, slowly at first, then faster and faster until the tastes blended together and the act was more about filling up then enjoying the meal.

  At breakfast the next morning, I didn’t want to eat anything, but we received our rations and I wasn’t going to turn down eggs, pancakes, and slices of ham. I just wasn’t.

  Rolling my shoulders, I tried not staring at all the shelves in the clinic as I rubbed at my stomach and grimaced. My first shift and I wasn’t in top form.

  Cammie, the woman I’d been assigned to assist in the medical clinic, watched me. “Are you feeling okay?” A taller woman, her long hair brushed her waist and her pleasant smile showed concern and sincerity when she asked, like she really wanted to know if I was fine.

  I waved my hand, bending down to retrieve the box of plants she’d asked me to help her with. “I’m fine, just really full.” And more than a little embarrassed by my gluttony. Mom used to say ‘don’t let your eyes be bigger than your stomach.’ The night before, I had actually been greedier than usual and I’d topped it off with a full meal in the morning.

  Cammie nodded knowingly, wiping down the counter. “Ah, yes. The first meal. You’ll never be that full again - here. But you won’t be starving again either.” She reached into the box I placed on the table and removed the bagged leaves and roots. “Most people think medics deal with only chemical medicine, but I’m more of an herbalist. You know you can fix a lot with herbs?”

  “I know about peppermint and how it can do a lot of things pills used to do, but that’s all I know about herbs. My mom was a nurse and more into the western sciences.” I removed things as well, lining them up and stacking them beside the items she unpacked. “Oh, I guess that’s a lie. Isn’t ginger supposed to help with stuff and some kind of a bark, right?” Why had I mentioned those small wanna-be facts? They weren’t even worth mentioning and might just be more embarrassing now that I brought them up.

  “That’s okay. We have plenty of time to teach you.” She smiled at me, her medium-brown hair hanging behind her shoulders in a curtain. She glanced at the clock on the wall. The smile left her face and she nodded. “You should get going. You have inventory next, correct? I’ll see you tomorrow.” And she turned her back. So abruptly, like she didn’t want to keep me from my next appointment but I couldn’t tell why.

  “Okay. Thank you.” I put down the bag in my hands and left the bunker where it was placed in the corner closest to the entrance on the southern side. A dirt path led toward the inventory area which was really a large plane hangar in the center of the compound. We’d found out that morning that there were never planes here – plans to have some, yes, but the government closed the site before anything beneficial became of it.

  Not that that surprised me.

  No one else was around since it was the middle of a shift as I found my way to the large hangar. Metal clanging on metal rebounded from the back of the building and reached me in the warm September air.

  Puffing out a whoosh of breath, I scratched my arm where the new sleeve of the bright green shirt I’d been given irritated my skin. My discomfort at being full had started fading. Lunch would probably be soon and then I’d have to deal with that. Would I ever get caught up or used to the food?

  At the big metal-sided building, I rapped my knuckles on the man-door, glancing around and then down at my feet.

  The door opened, revealing Ethan and a large grin.

  Discomfort washed over me. I glanced over my shoulder, looking for what I’m not sure.

  “Hey, come on in. I’m just getting started. I slept in.” He winked, again. I was tempted to rip his eyelid off so he couldn’t do that anymore. “But don’t tell anyone, we’re supposed to be on the same schedule as everyone else.”

  I waited for him to move so I could move inside, pasting a platonic smile on my face – which honestly just meant I pressed my lips together. The guy was confusing. He’d been so kind the day before after brazenly introducing himself with winks. I wasn’t comfortable with him, but how did I say that when I still felt like he was my host or like he had power to have me removed? What was he going to do? Have Rowan kill me off?

  Maybe I would be more comfortable telling him where to shove it when I had a more solid position in the community, made a few friends. “Where is everyone else?”

  He closed the door. “Just you and me. Inventory isn’t hard, but it gets lonely.” His voice trailed off as he stopped walking right beside me, his chest almost touching my arm.

  Alarmed at his nearness, I looked his way and sidestepped from such close proximity. “I can imagine.”

  My movement didn’t deter him. He stepped closer, reaching out and fingering the hem of my short sleeve. “A lot of things can get lonely here, you know?” The husky tone of his voice sent alarming shivers down my arms – and not in a good way. If he didn’t stop touching me, I was going to scream
.

  “Well, I’m here now, so what do we do when we’re inventorying?” Overly bright, I turned to face him, yanking my shirt from his grasp and putting more distance between us. If I had to dodge him for four hours every day, the job was going to grow tedious fast.

  Disappointment dimmed his exuberance, but he didn’t let that stop him. “Well, we get out the lists and check them against what we do have. There’s a garden on the north side of the compound that the Preservation staff manages and we get a lot of items from there to restock, but there are some things we can’t replace until things get back to normal.” He retrieved a clipboard from the wall and pushed through another set of doors.

  Longing to be with Bodey struck me. I’d left him at the bunker, resting up for his shift that night. Remembering his smile, I let his memory warm me, protect me.

  If Ethan weren’t careful, I’d have to sic my husband on him.

  I followed my work partner into a large area filled with shelves which reached to the top. A rolling ladder on each set of shelves would help get to the highest items. Artificial lighting aided by skylights were set into the top of the ceiling.

  My word, there were a lot of resources there. Even the toilet paper was accounted for. We’d been admonished over and over not to use more than a set number of squares. I’m not sure how long the holding tank would do the job for so many people, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some kind of a filter system set in place for overflow.

  Ethan handed me a board and pointed to the furthest row, his fingers grazed mine. “You’ll work that aisle. I’m down here. I’ll grab you for a break in a little bit.”

  A loud bang from the far wall startled me. “What was that?” I pressed my clipboard to my chest.

  He shrugged. “Probably the mechanics. They work in the back.” He pointed toward the same end where windows were set in the wall above a long flight of stairs. “That’s where Dad and I stay. We have the whole office suite in there. Makes for a cozy place, but it’s lonely in there, too, you know?” He pierced me with his gaze, then looked his fill from head to toe.

  I shifted on my feet. “Yeah, I bet.” I waved my list. “Well, I better get started.”

  He watched me as I turned and walked away. I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Great, working with him was going to be awful. Why couldn’t I have had medical clinic with Cammie all day?

  My half-shift passed fast enough, even with Ethan and his hungry gaze on the other side of the warehouse. When we finished I handed him my list and darted from the room, welcoming the refreshing breeze outside.

  Seeing Bodey would be the only thing that would make the day better. I hoped I would see him before he went for his first shift.

  But I didn’t see Bodey awake for almost two weeks. When I was home he was at his shift. Rowan asked all the watchmen to change from eight to twelve-hour shifts. Bodey was gone for the evening into the early morning, falling into bed before I woke up for my shift at eight. I tried staying up and waiting for him, even waking up early. I was tired from dodging Ethan and working so hard, I failed miserably at waiting.

  I saw John on a regular basis, eating dinner and breakfast with him. He wasn’t sleeping well though with dark shadows under his eyes and a constant shaking in his left hand when he sat still.

  We’d been there about two weeks when I finally saw Bodey. He came in through the front door while John and I worked on our plates of eggs, peaches, and biscuits.

  I glanced up, delight spreading a wide smile over my face. “Bodey! Hi, have some breakfast.” I stood quickly, reaching for a plate to serve him his ration.

  He held up a hand to stay me, searching my face, his expression tired and let down. “What’s going on, Kelly?”

  Taken aback, I sat down, meeting John’s gaze and then turning back to Bodey. “We’re eating.” My pride demanded.

  “That’s not what I mean. I just heard from the other guard Ethan’s been working with a new girl he plans on marrying. Apparently Rowan promised Ethan if he found a girl and started a family, Rowan would give the population growth compound to Ethan to run. Guess where Ethan works? In the inventory warehouse.” He arched his eyebrows, his arms crossed. “Why didn’t you say anything about that?”

  “What? First of all, I haven’t seen you long enough to talk about my day. Did you know where your dad works or what he does? No?” My forehead furrowed. “Second, that’s gross, Bodey. I’m married to you, remember? Ethan works with me every day for four hours. And I’m constantly fighting off his advances. I knew he liked me, but I haven’t done anything to encourage him. He’s creepy.” How could Bodey believe anything like that? Ethan paled in comparison to him. “And just because Ethan wants me, doesn’t me he can have me.” I poked at my plate, chewing on the side of my tongue.

  Bodey studied me, like he didn’t quite believe me. That he didn’t trust me slapped me across the face.

  I thrust my jaw to the side. “What? Don’t you believe me?”

  “Of course, I believe you. I’m just trying to figure out who to beat up first – the guy who told me or Ethan.” He partially shrugged, rubbing his hand down his face. “I’m sorry. I haven’t seen you in a while and I’m always too tired to come here and spend time with you guys.” Pain darkened the blue in his irises. “I need to get to bed.”

  John stood. “Wait, son, stop for a second.”

  Bodey stopped at the doorway to our room. Shoulders slumped, he looked at his dad, sadness curving his lips downward.

  Moving to stand between us, John held out his hands in either direction. “This isn’t us, you two. We don’t fight. And we spend more time together than this. I’ll see if I can talk to Rowan about a shift change or maybe some days off. We can’t fall apart, not our family, okay?”

  I nodded, but I watched my husband who wasn’t acting very husbandly. If he could just meet my gaze, I would smile and run to him and hug him. We never had problems. Bodey and I were solid. At least out in the woods, at least when it was just us.

  He avoided my gaze and disappeared into our room.

  What had happened to loving me despite other people? I hadn’t done anything. Where was this power Rowan had tried pushing at me? He’d acted like I would be so free, so on-top-of-the-world. But all I’d been given was a challenging home life and an exhausting work life.

  I swallowed, dropping my gaze to the table and my half-eaten food. Suddenly, the very sight of the bland tasting meal disgusted me and I shoved my plate aside. I could add my left-overs to Bodey’s servings in the fridge and he could have extra when he got up. Maybe more food would help him feel better.

  Being completely honest, not seeing him took its toll on me as well. I was starting to feel like he might not want to be with me anymore. Maybe scum like Ethan would always get their way and I really didn’t have any power or value there besides being able to have children. And what if I couldn’t? I hadn’t shared with Rowan my lack of a period. Would we have been kicked out? I sighed, propping my arms on the table and lowering my head to rest on my forearms.

  John sat down slowly, his jaw tight. “I don’t like you guys fighting. We need to get this resolved.”

  We weren’t fighting exactly though. I didn’t know how to explain to John that Bodey was more lost and alone feeling than mad at me. “Do you think Bodey still wants to be with me?”

  Glancing up sharply, John picked up his biscuit. “Of course he does. Why else would he be so jealous about a rumor?”

  I hadn’t considered that. But I didn’t want my husband jealous, I wanted him to be comforted and trust me.

  Because what was the point in being where we were, if I wasn’t with Bodey and happy? We could eat anything. We’d never fought even when we’d starved. Now, this place was tearing at us. We hadn’t been married long enough to withstand too many trials. At least not at that point.

  Survival had forced us inside. I couldn’t remember why I wanted things to go back to the way they had been before we’d been forced in
to the woods.

  Because right in that moment, I had never wanted to be nomadic and hungry so much.

  Chapter 12

  Another two weeks and John still hadn’t had a chance to talk to Rowan. My own partial shifts with Ethan wore on me. And something weird was going on with the other residents of the compound.

  Cammie excused me from the clinic a few minutes early when a large group of men and women came in for their vitamins. They spied me, shifting their eyes and talking in very hushed tones. One woman glared my way, but I wasn’t sure if her anger was at me or just aimed my direction on accident.

  “What’s wrong with them?” I twisted a rubber band into my hair, glancing at the group.

  “Don’t take it personally. We’ll find time to talk about it soon.” Standing by the door to usher me out, Cammie smiled. “See you tomorrow, Kelly.”

  Find time to talk? All we had was time. Some days we had nothing to do as we wiped down bottles and shelves over and over. I pondered the event as I slowly walked to the hangar.

  Dodging Ethan and inventorying weren’t on my list of things I could tolerate right then. I needed a break from the never ending lists we went over twice a week. Hours of staring at and counting the same things, over and over and over. I wanted to be out in the sun, running through the woods, going from house to house with Bodey, meeting up with John in our camp and sleeping on the ground.

  Okay, that was a lie. I didn’t miss sleeping on the ground, but at least on the ground I was with Bodey and in his arms. The bed... as weird as it sounded, the bed was so impersonal.

  And I hadn’t been intimate with him since our first afternoon in the bunker and our one afternoon at the Scoggins’ place. Teenage lust aside, our disappearing closeness saddened me.

  Waking up next to him every morning while his back turned to me as his chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm squelched any attempt I might make toward resolving our celibacy.

  The hangar loomed in front of me and I scrunched my nose. Stopping by the side of the building, I kicked at some browning grass. October had slipped in like a child tardy to class. No real fanfare but just enough of a disturbance to be noticeable. The air smelled of pine and oil wafting from the shop at the back of the building.